Escape from Victory

The annual "All Priests Over 75 Indoor Five-a-Side Football" match is right around the corner, and Ted (Dermot Morgan) will once again coach against his archrival, Father Dick Byrne (Maurice O'Donoghue). Whoever loses must perform a forfeit of the other's choosing. Problems arise immediately, chief among them that Ted's best strikers have had some setbacks: Father Jack (Frank Kelly) is in a coma after overdosing on a sleeping aid, and Father Nick isn't "at the very peak of his powers" because he's just died. To top things off, Dick Byrne has an ace up his sleeve, a "flip-hot" elderly Italian. After Ted's team wins, the referee discovers that he'd manipulated the comatose Jack on the pitch via remote-controlled wheelchair. Byrne tells Ted his forfeit; Ted must kick Bishop Brennan "up the arse." (The story arc continues in "Kicking Bishop Brennan Up the Arse."), It's the annual All-Priests Over 75s Five-A-Side Football Challenge Match against Rugged Island. Ted suspects that Father Dick Byrne will stop at nothing to win when he discovers Byrne's secret weapon: Father Romeo Sensini, an Italian hot-shot. With Craggy Island's ace centre forward Father Jack sound asleep after drinking an entire bottle of 'Dreamy Sleepy Nighty Snoozy Snooze', Ted is in deep trouble. Will Ted's team win and, if not, what will his forfeit be?, Craggy Island's shot at defeating Rugged Island in the annual soccer match is deflected after Jack is knocked out by a sleeping tonic. Father Ted: Dermot Morgan. Father Jack: Frank Kelly.