Our Mrs. Reynolds

After Mal (Nathan Fillion) and the crew help a backwater community fend off a vicious band of robbers, Mal takes off his dress and bonnet (long story) and there's a drunken celebration. The next morning, Serenity has to leave in a hurry to avoid an Alliance patrol boat, and Mal finds an uninvited guest aboard. Her name is Saffron (Christina Hendricks), but she introduces herself to Mal by telling him, "I'm your wife." It seems that at the party the night before, as Book (Ron Glass) helpfully explains, Mal unwittingly participated in some kind of primitive marriage ceremony with this pretty, impossibly naïve and innocent young woman. Since they can't bring her back, Mal reassures her that he won't kill her, and decides to drop her off at their next destination, Beaumont, where she can probably find work on a farm. Most of the crew are amused at Mal's predicament, with the notable exception of Inara (Morena Baccarin). Jayne (Adam Baldwin) offers to trade Mal his most beloved gun, Vera, for the blushing bride. Book warns Mal that if he takes sexual advantage of Saffron during the week-long trip to Beaumont, he'll be going to a "special Hell...reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theater." Unfortunately for the pent-up Mal, Saffron seems determined to consummate their marriage. "Leave me at the nearest port," she tells him, "only let me have my wedding night." Unfortunately for the rest of the crew, Saffron seems to be in cahoots with some rather less pretty types who are greedily tracking Serenity.